Friday, January 14, 2011

thoughts and prayers

Monday is the big day. Charlie is going to have his first surgery. It was last July that we found out that our little boy would be born with a cleft lip and possible palate.

I remember when the Doctor told me something was wrong with his little face. My heart sank. When she said that he had a cleft lip, I started crying. My whole world stopped. I looked at my husband and I could tell that he had no idea what that even meant. I knew exactly what a cleft was and I was in complete shock. The doctor told us that it wasn't a huge deal and with the technology we have today that it would be an easy fix. I wasn't convinced. I was completely devasted.

I then started to do the "what if" thing. I played out a whole bunch of scenarios in my head about what if this and what if that. Throughout my whole pregnancy I always felt something was different. Something I couldn't figure out. I was super apprehensive about announcing my pregnancy because I always just felt something was going to go wrong. I never would have guessed that my little boy would have a birth defect.

I cried a lot. Sometimes out of the blue, I would just think about it and start to cry. It took weeks for me to accept the fact that something was wrong with my little boy and that there was nothing that I could do about it. I couldn't fix it.

It wasn't until a month or so after the diagnosis that I finally felt like everything was going to be ok. That there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I knew that my Heavenly Father wanted me to have this wonderful child and knew that I would love him unconditionally. I KNEW I would love and nurture this child no matter what. How could I not? I already felt completely in love and attached to this little human being.

After months of waiting, this little miracle boy came into our lives and when I saw him for the first time, I felt the most powerful and the most pure love for this child. All of my worries throughout my whole pregnancy melted away and all I wanted to do was hold him and care for him.

Two months have passed and now I have to see him go through surgery. I would be lying if I said that I'm not scared. I am really scared. I love his "wide" smile and it makes my heart melt every time he looks at me with his "happy" eyes. I don't want to see him in so much pain. I don't want to hear him cry in pain. I know it's a common surgery and everything will be okay, but I am still scared and worried that something will go wrong. I love him so much and would be devastated if anything were to happen to him.

Any thoughts or prayers for Charlie would be so appreciated. We are hoping he will have a swift recovery and will be back to his happy self in no time!


Cass said...

We'll be thinking of and praying for you guys!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lindsey! Your baby is so precious! I had a cleft palate when I was born and I'm sure my mom worried about me and my surgery, but I did fine and your little man will too!

. said...

I will definitely say prayers for you and your precious little Charlie!!

I know as a mom how awful seeing your baby go into surgery feels (my Doodle has had 4 completely random surgeries in her short 10 years of life, none related to the other.) It's completely normal to worry yourself sick over the what if's!! We want to always protect our babies from any pain.

You will cry, so make sure you have plenty of tissues on hand and have family near you, people to talk to so the time goes by faster!!

But I'm confident he will be fine and back in your arms as quickly as possible on Monday!! And babies heal so much faster than us adults do, it's quite amazing really!

On another note, my daughter had a huge strawberry birthmark show up when she was 2 weeks old on her eyebrow. It continued to grow and get super bright red until she was almost a year old (and then started fading and was gone by the time she was 5).

Fo the first year, while it was at it's brightest, people stared everywhere we went and often made comments that were uncalled for. But it's funny, and I wonder if you experienced the same thing, after a couple weeks (if that) her dad and I didn't even notice it anymore when we looked at her. We just saw the beautiful, amazing, fun, high spirited little girl that she was.

Melissa said...

praying for you and your family. Good luck Charlie!

Nessa said...

Thinking and praying for you and little charlie!!

CraftyBrit said...

He's so sweet. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers :)

Summer said...

You guys will sure be in my thoughts and prayers! They say babies bounce back a lot quicker than adults, I`m sure he will be back to himself again in no time!
Many Blessings!

Nicole Meile-Anderson said...

You blog came up on my google alerts and I just wanted to pass along some thoughts and prayers for you and your family!

It is absolutely amazing what they can do with surgery...though he is such a handsome little man already!

The way you described your experience so far was beautiful. As I was reading it I felt as if I was reading my own story. My youngest was born with a cleft lip and the emotions that you described truly hit the nail on the head!

He had his cleft surgery at 7 weeks...though it was a couple crazy weeks/month of recovery it is amazing how resilient these little men are! You will soon be sitting in my position almost 6 months post op thinking as if all of this was just a life time ago!! I just wanted you to know that you are not alone!!! Good luck on Monday!

Sherrie said...

He is adorable! I will pray for a successful surgery and speedy recovery for your sweet boy.

Peters said...

Hi Lindsey,
You and Charlie are in my prayers.

Richard and Carlie said...

You're amazing Lindsey! You guys will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Valerie said...

Sending prayers to Charlie!! :) Hope you feel peace tomorrow. It will go beautifully!