Monday is the big day. Charlie is going to have his first surgery. It was last July that we found out that our little boy would be born with a cleft lip and possible palate.
I remember when the Doctor told me something was wrong with his little face. My heart sank. When she said that he had a cleft lip, I started crying. My whole world stopped. I looked at my husband and I could tell that he had no idea what that even meant. I knew exactly what a cleft was and I was in complete shock. The doctor told us that it wasn't a huge deal and with the technology we have today that it would be an easy fix. I wasn't convinced. I was completely devasted.
I then started to do the "what if" thing. I played out a whole bunch of scenarios in my head about what if this and what if that. Throughout my whole pregnancy I always felt something was different. Something I couldn't figure out. I was super apprehensive about announcing my pregnancy because I always just felt something was going to go wrong. I never would have guessed that my little boy would have a birth defect.
I cried a lot. Sometimes out of the blue, I would just think about it and start to cry. It took weeks for me to accept the fact that something was wrong with my little boy and that there was nothing that I could do about it. I couldn't fix it.
It wasn't until a month or so after the diagnosis that I finally felt like everything was going to be ok. That there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I knew that my Heavenly Father wanted me to have this wonderful child and knew that I would love him unconditionally. I KNEW I would love and nurture this child no matter what. How could I not? I already felt completely in love and attached to this little human being.
After months of waiting, this little miracle boy came into our lives and when I saw him for the first time, I felt the most powerful and the most pure love for this child. All of my worries throughout my whole pregnancy melted away and all I wanted to do was hold him and care for him.
Two months have passed and now I have to see him go through surgery. I would be lying if I said that I'm not scared. I am really scared. I love his "wide" smile and it makes my heart melt every time he looks at me with his "happy" eyes. I don't want to see him in so much pain. I don't want to hear him cry in pain. I know it's a common surgery and everything will be okay, but I am still scared and worried that something will go wrong. I love him so much and would be devastated if anything were to happen to him.
Any thoughts or prayers for Charlie would be so appreciated. We are hoping he will have a swift recovery and will be back to his happy self in no time!